Raising Muslim Kids
Is not as easy as they make it sound. After all, religion is not inherited, nor are values, principles, or any of the virtues and morals that make one a better person and a good human. Righteousness and honesty need intention and practice and constant vigilance or these and similar values fall to the wayside.
And lets face it, kids are not copies of us in our current state. We too were 'empty vessels' that got filled up over time, along the road of experience, and after many mistakes and losses.
Not to mention the individual character that each child is born with, society today is not like it was before. It is an amalgamation of many ideas and opinions and sometimes, the strongest voices are not the most righteous voices.
Today its all about individualism, physical glorification and gratification, and self love to the exclusion of all else. Morality is fluid and the truth is only that which satisfies the nafs.
Nowadays children are quasi adults even when they are 4 years old. They are taken seriously when it comes to expressing their gender choices but have no choice on their bedtime or whether they can brush their teeth or not on any given night.
Parents, in their push to be 'right' and not to 'suppress' the kids' developing minds and self confidence and sense of individuality, are busy pushing their kids straight into mental distress and in my opinion, straight to the arms of Iblis the enemy of all Bani Adam.
But if I was to speak to the general public like this, all I'd get is very negative feedback so I'll keep to my blog, where the onus to read it came from the person themselves.
So back to raising Muslim Kids...
It goes something like this...
1. You are never going to know if everything you are doing or have done will mean that child will choose Islam and stick to it... they are not you. So prepare for the worst and work for the best. Do everything you can think off to make it crystal clear to them what Islam is all about and how they can benefit from choosing it...
2. Remember that Islam means submission and Submission has to be chosen, it cannot be forced. You chose it and believe in it and truly want to succeed in it because you are sure of it... it doesn't mean your child will have the same conviction... so, help him. Show him/her why you chose to submit, what it entails, what it brings to you individually, what you hope to get from it, how can you be so certain, etc...
3. Remember that children are little people, with their own souls and thoughts and weaknesses and views etc. They may be little but they aren't less, just because their body is small. Therefore, work with your child and what he/she is bringing to the table to help him/her choose Allah and choose to submit to Him, sincerely and humbly.
4. Kids are smart, especially the ones of today. They understand the cost benefit rationale so explain Islam in terms of costs and benefits and also, ways and means. Put it in simple words that can be understood but also can be built on later on. Make sure not to embellish. Don't tell lies. Salaat is a blessing from Allah yes but it has a cost, which is taking time from your daily activity, maybe one you even enjoy and don't want to stop doing right then. However, the benefits are tremendous. Point out the immediate benefits and layer on from there... Hehehehe... you aren't sure what are the immediate benefits huh... lol!! Getting rid of the burden off your back is one immediate burden. If you don't sali, you commit a sin. Its a sin that can't be seen or smelled or touched but it creates a black dot in your heart and certainly gets you closer to your worst enemy and increases the likelihood of burning in Jahannam... ..... ahha ahhha aaaahhh... yeah, you aren't sure they will buy this... they will, if you've done your homework before hand... that being you made the unseen in all this, a reality that exists despite everything... Just like inside certain caves, deep inside certain mountains there are diamonds and gold and silver waiting to be found and mined. You and your child can't see it but you accept their existence because gold, silver and diamond jewelry exist. So something like Allah, Jannah, Jahannam, Angels, etc must exist, even if you can't see them, because death exist and even more simply, because we exist. Your child exist... ask him/her where he came from, how did he come, why did he come, etc... Its complicated and simple at the same time... do your homework, then teach the child through words and actions, then challenge him/her to find out for himself, in order to build his/her certainty of the facts... An even more immediate benefit... you'll get off their back and stop nagging them. Another one is sins committed since the last salaat are erased (small sins, conditional to the obligations of the prayer having been met). Another one (if they are underage) is good deeds added to their mizaan. Another one can be you'll add tablet/screen time or another privilege to their list...
5. Location is important when trying to nurture your Muslim child. If you can, be around only Muslims, provide Muslim entertainment, and spend time in Muslim environments. If you can't, prepare to stretch yourself even more to cover all those gaping holes... When they are small and naturally cling to you and follow you and believe only/mainly you, take advantage to lay a solid foundation and then do your best to stay close to them for as long as possible. Even when your environment is full of Muslims, still do this because as we know, not everyone who proclaims his Islam with words, does the same with his actions. Some people wear a qamis and still go to gambling dens and others say bismillah right before drinking their alcoholic beverage and some have ayatul kursi stickers and dangly things in their car and still pick up girls to proposition or drive said car to a bar or a club... There is no ideal world so don't lie to your kid and pretend their is.... but the whole truth can come slowly and dawn gently on your growing child so it would be easier to accept that Islam is a choice that must be made, it can be a hard choice, but the best and most right choices are hard to choose because our world has become very corrupt...
6. Have a village help you... Please if you can help it, create a village to help you raise your Muslim Kids. Don't tough it out just you and your husband or just your very small family. Tap friends, neighbors, teachers, Imams, and teaching resources like books and yes, even from the internet. There are many bloggers our there whom you can tap for resources and ideas. Pintrest can be truly awesome sometimes. Don't be afraid to use technology to your advantage. Tablets and PCs don't have to be for surfing useless websites and they can be used resourcefully. Not every parent I know will agree with me but I challenge any and all comers to keep technology out of their kids' hands for the long term... One way or another they will find their way to it... They are born for it...work with and use that.
7. Be the living example. Be the role model. Overshadow everything in the vicinity and let them choose you to emulate. Become a power in their sphere. I've seen fully covered moms walk with their nearly naked grown daughters at the market shopping for kitchen utensils! I was aghast but it can and will happen if you, the mom and dad don't become the looming power that overshadows everything and shines so brilliantly, your kids can't see anything but you... RasulAllah salatu wa salaam was such a power. He salatu wasalaam shone so brilliantly, was so 'large' that everyone could not help but look at him and eventually take him as the model, as the one to follow and emulate and yes, champion, because his way caused him to be so amazing, so shiny, so powerful, so ... just so... amazing! lol. So be the power.
8. Remember you are a slave and you cannot achieve anything without Allah's approval, help, mercy, protection, power, etc... He is what you need. Lean on Him. Don't just make empty dua of please save my kids, please bless my kids... no no no... that is not going to be enough... it never was... because if its just words, they will fail to make an impact. Impact is what you need and Allah has made it abundantly clear that belief goes hand in hand with action and actions is what defines belief and belief with words is empty and of no meaning. The pagans knew of Allah yet their belief was not accepted by Allah because their actions associated partners with Allah. Your kids aren't dumb, they will know intrinsically, whether you truly rely on Allah, believing with yaqeen that He exists and is managing your affairs as we speak or if you are just saying stuff but bayna your belief and certainly there is a huge gulf called illusion and unawareness... You want help from Allah, you better show it with everything you've got... start with the Quran. Read it, learn it, understand it, live it and share it...let it change you and let it lead you to Allah's please and we all know, when Allah is pleased with His servant, He will tell Jibreel who will inform the angles and mankind and all will love you and then everything will become easy for you and achieving will be possible because you will be 'walking' and 'doing' with Allah and your children wont be able to resist you... because who can resist Allah afterall...Alhamdulillah
And that will ensure the first 7 come to play smoothly. If your belief is certain, your actions will reflect it. If your actions are pleasing to Allah, He will cause you to become brilliantly shiny and powerful, a power within your sphere, so blinding the kids can barely look anywhere else because your way is so magnificent because (to borrow a catchphrase) the glory of Allah is shining right through you to them. So when you tell them Allah exists, they accept it as fact. And then inshallah you can build on that one fact and create a foundation that will inshaAllah be unshakable for them to add their strength to later on inshaAllah.
So, raising Muslim kids is all about belief and yaqeen billah and 'amal salih... If you don't have Iman biAllah, or yaqeen biAllah and no 'amal salih...forget it... there is no formula that will get those kids to listen to you and accept that what you say about Islam is right... there will come a time when you will drop the ball, you will fail, you will lose them to someone or something more brilliant than you...
I'll end with this...
So know this o parent of a Muslim Kid... be righteous, be truthful and honest, be sincere and humble, submit to your Lord the Mighty and Powerful and Wise...and submit your children to Him, with sincerity and humble submission, being honest and truthful and ask Allah to steady you and help you and strengthen you and protect you... the Muslim kids do not belong to you but to Allah, they are His servants first and your children second... when they are with you, teach them about Allah and model the teaching sincerely, daily, openly, truthfully... do not hide the good you are able to do and attribute it to Allah and do not hide your shortcomings and mistakes and attribute it to your weakness and lack of knowledge or ability/strength to fight Iblis and and then openly seek forgiveness and help from Allah and return yourself to Allah with sincerity and humble submission, and read the Quran where they can see you and cry to Allah about various matters, where they can see you and let the little ones hold you and comfort you, it will empower them, and they will know you aren't perfect and you and them are the same, and they will look to you to find more of that sameness and finding common ground is where relationships are found and struggling through things together is where relationships are built...
I'm getting dizzy... goodnight...
Whatever is good is from Allah the Almighty, the Wise and whatever is wrong or missing or falls short is from me and I seek Allah's forgiveness for it and pray for more guidance and help ameen
Is not as easy as they make it sound. After all, religion is not inherited, nor are values, principles, or any of the virtues and morals that make one a better person and a good human. Righteousness and honesty need intention and practice and constant vigilance or these and similar values fall to the wayside.
And lets face it, kids are not copies of us in our current state. We too were 'empty vessels' that got filled up over time, along the road of experience, and after many mistakes and losses.
Not to mention the individual character that each child is born with, society today is not like it was before. It is an amalgamation of many ideas and opinions and sometimes, the strongest voices are not the most righteous voices.
Today its all about individualism, physical glorification and gratification, and self love to the exclusion of all else. Morality is fluid and the truth is only that which satisfies the nafs.
Nowadays children are quasi adults even when they are 4 years old. They are taken seriously when it comes to expressing their gender choices but have no choice on their bedtime or whether they can brush their teeth or not on any given night.
Parents, in their push to be 'right' and not to 'suppress' the kids' developing minds and self confidence and sense of individuality, are busy pushing their kids straight into mental distress and in my opinion, straight to the arms of Iblis the enemy of all Bani Adam.
But if I was to speak to the general public like this, all I'd get is very negative feedback so I'll keep to my blog, where the onus to read it came from the person themselves.
So back to raising Muslim Kids...
It goes something like this...
1. You are never going to know if everything you are doing or have done will mean that child will choose Islam and stick to it... they are not you. So prepare for the worst and work for the best. Do everything you can think off to make it crystal clear to them what Islam is all about and how they can benefit from choosing it...
2. Remember that Islam means submission and Submission has to be chosen, it cannot be forced. You chose it and believe in it and truly want to succeed in it because you are sure of it... it doesn't mean your child will have the same conviction... so, help him. Show him/her why you chose to submit, what it entails, what it brings to you individually, what you hope to get from it, how can you be so certain, etc...
3. Remember that children are little people, with their own souls and thoughts and weaknesses and views etc. They may be little but they aren't less, just because their body is small. Therefore, work with your child and what he/she is bringing to the table to help him/her choose Allah and choose to submit to Him, sincerely and humbly.
4. Kids are smart, especially the ones of today. They understand the cost benefit rationale so explain Islam in terms of costs and benefits and also, ways and means. Put it in simple words that can be understood but also can be built on later on. Make sure not to embellish. Don't tell lies. Salaat is a blessing from Allah yes but it has a cost, which is taking time from your daily activity, maybe one you even enjoy and don't want to stop doing right then. However, the benefits are tremendous. Point out the immediate benefits and layer on from there... Hehehehe... you aren't sure what are the immediate benefits huh... lol!! Getting rid of the burden off your back is one immediate burden. If you don't sali, you commit a sin. Its a sin that can't be seen or smelled or touched but it creates a black dot in your heart and certainly gets you closer to your worst enemy and increases the likelihood of burning in Jahannam... ..... ahha ahhha aaaahhh... yeah, you aren't sure they will buy this... they will, if you've done your homework before hand... that being you made the unseen in all this, a reality that exists despite everything... Just like inside certain caves, deep inside certain mountains there are diamonds and gold and silver waiting to be found and mined. You and your child can't see it but you accept their existence because gold, silver and diamond jewelry exist. So something like Allah, Jannah, Jahannam, Angels, etc must exist, even if you can't see them, because death exist and even more simply, because we exist. Your child exist... ask him/her where he came from, how did he come, why did he come, etc... Its complicated and simple at the same time... do your homework, then teach the child through words and actions, then challenge him/her to find out for himself, in order to build his/her certainty of the facts... An even more immediate benefit... you'll get off their back and stop nagging them. Another one is sins committed since the last salaat are erased (small sins, conditional to the obligations of the prayer having been met). Another one (if they are underage) is good deeds added to their mizaan. Another one can be you'll add tablet/screen time or another privilege to their list...
5. Location is important when trying to nurture your Muslim child. If you can, be around only Muslims, provide Muslim entertainment, and spend time in Muslim environments. If you can't, prepare to stretch yourself even more to cover all those gaping holes... When they are small and naturally cling to you and follow you and believe only/mainly you, take advantage to lay a solid foundation and then do your best to stay close to them for as long as possible. Even when your environment is full of Muslims, still do this because as we know, not everyone who proclaims his Islam with words, does the same with his actions. Some people wear a qamis and still go to gambling dens and others say bismillah right before drinking their alcoholic beverage and some have ayatul kursi stickers and dangly things in their car and still pick up girls to proposition or drive said car to a bar or a club... There is no ideal world so don't lie to your kid and pretend their is.... but the whole truth can come slowly and dawn gently on your growing child so it would be easier to accept that Islam is a choice that must be made, it can be a hard choice, but the best and most right choices are hard to choose because our world has become very corrupt...
6. Have a village help you... Please if you can help it, create a village to help you raise your Muslim Kids. Don't tough it out just you and your husband or just your very small family. Tap friends, neighbors, teachers, Imams, and teaching resources like books and yes, even from the internet. There are many bloggers our there whom you can tap for resources and ideas. Pintrest can be truly awesome sometimes. Don't be afraid to use technology to your advantage. Tablets and PCs don't have to be for surfing useless websites and they can be used resourcefully. Not every parent I know will agree with me but I challenge any and all comers to keep technology out of their kids' hands for the long term... One way or another they will find their way to it... They are born for it...work with and use that.
7. Be the living example. Be the role model. Overshadow everything in the vicinity and let them choose you to emulate. Become a power in their sphere. I've seen fully covered moms walk with their nearly naked grown daughters at the market shopping for kitchen utensils! I was aghast but it can and will happen if you, the mom and dad don't become the looming power that overshadows everything and shines so brilliantly, your kids can't see anything but you... RasulAllah salatu wa salaam was such a power. He salatu wasalaam shone so brilliantly, was so 'large' that everyone could not help but look at him and eventually take him as the model, as the one to follow and emulate and yes, champion, because his way caused him to be so amazing, so shiny, so powerful, so ... just so... amazing! lol. So be the power.
8. Remember you are a slave and you cannot achieve anything without Allah's approval, help, mercy, protection, power, etc... He is what you need. Lean on Him. Don't just make empty dua of please save my kids, please bless my kids... no no no... that is not going to be enough... it never was... because if its just words, they will fail to make an impact. Impact is what you need and Allah has made it abundantly clear that belief goes hand in hand with action and actions is what defines belief and belief with words is empty and of no meaning. The pagans knew of Allah yet their belief was not accepted by Allah because their actions associated partners with Allah. Your kids aren't dumb, they will know intrinsically, whether you truly rely on Allah, believing with yaqeen that He exists and is managing your affairs as we speak or if you are just saying stuff but bayna your belief and certainly there is a huge gulf called illusion and unawareness... You want help from Allah, you better show it with everything you've got... start with the Quran. Read it, learn it, understand it, live it and share it...let it change you and let it lead you to Allah's please and we all know, when Allah is pleased with His servant, He will tell Jibreel who will inform the angles and mankind and all will love you and then everything will become easy for you and achieving will be possible because you will be 'walking' and 'doing' with Allah and your children wont be able to resist you... because who can resist Allah afterall...Alhamdulillah
And that will ensure the first 7 come to play smoothly. If your belief is certain, your actions will reflect it. If your actions are pleasing to Allah, He will cause you to become brilliantly shiny and powerful, a power within your sphere, so blinding the kids can barely look anywhere else because your way is so magnificent because (to borrow a catchphrase) the glory of Allah is shining right through you to them. So when you tell them Allah exists, they accept it as fact. And then inshallah you can build on that one fact and create a foundation that will inshaAllah be unshakable for them to add their strength to later on inshaAllah.
So, raising Muslim kids is all about belief and yaqeen billah and 'amal salih... If you don't have Iman biAllah, or yaqeen biAllah and no 'amal salih...forget it... there is no formula that will get those kids to listen to you and accept that what you say about Islam is right... there will come a time when you will drop the ball, you will fail, you will lose them to someone or something more brilliant than you...
I'll end with this...
So know this o parent of a Muslim Kid... be righteous, be truthful and honest, be sincere and humble, submit to your Lord the Mighty and Powerful and Wise...and submit your children to Him, with sincerity and humble submission, being honest and truthful and ask Allah to steady you and help you and strengthen you and protect you... the Muslim kids do not belong to you but to Allah, they are His servants first and your children second... when they are with you, teach them about Allah and model the teaching sincerely, daily, openly, truthfully... do not hide the good you are able to do and attribute it to Allah and do not hide your shortcomings and mistakes and attribute it to your weakness and lack of knowledge or ability/strength to fight Iblis and and then openly seek forgiveness and help from Allah and return yourself to Allah with sincerity and humble submission, and read the Quran where they can see you and cry to Allah about various matters, where they can see you and let the little ones hold you and comfort you, it will empower them, and they will know you aren't perfect and you and them are the same, and they will look to you to find more of that sameness and finding common ground is where relationships are found and struggling through things together is where relationships are built...
I'm getting dizzy... goodnight...
Whatever is good is from Allah the Almighty, the Wise and whatever is wrong or missing or falls short is from me and I seek Allah's forgiveness for it and pray for more guidance and help ameen
Since I never went through such processes in my upbringing, there's nothing more that I can add or pile up on what's already submitted! I for one, having gone through all my life's experiences and having attained my full age of a mature grown up human being, hereby affirm to the highest degree all that you have presented herein. Even though you'd only like this to be confined to your blog, given its wholesomeness and natural beauty, I'd rather it be presented to the entire Muslim World to see, read and commit to its tenets because they are real, and actionable. If I had a second chance in life, this is what I would have focused on to my children. However, its not too late to other God fearing humans especially Muslim parents. After all this is what other religions have done through centuries to the point of colonizing the entire humanity with their corrupt and deceitful ways.Thus the corrupt Western type of life styles and the egregious modes of social existence! Thank you for setting up this discussion. It will go a long way to help all those who listen and pay attention to what is good. InshaAllah!
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